Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Putting it Out There

I'm finding myself pine for a life I used to lead.  I traveled.  I ate out.  I was thin(er).  I look at Paris apartment rental sites and swoon.  I reminisce about my days at the circus.  I think to myself, "I love my girl, but how can I get my life back?!"

Please know that I wouldn't change the fact that Lorelei is in my life for anything.  I would, however change a lot of other things.

I would change what I'm doing professionally.  Waiting tables isn't my life's calling.  It's been a great thing during my schooling and allowed me to raise my daughter myself as apposed to putting her in daycare from the time she was born.  The flexibility of schedule was great, but now, it's time to move on.  But when I send out my resume it looks like I'm a waiter applying for Director Positions.  Ask me if my phone is ringing.

Yeah.  No. 

I would change how much money is rolling in my door.  At this point it's a quiet trickle, really, that is instantly vacuumed, sucked, blown, and ripped from my hands.  Some of my obligations, mes droits, are paying for the life I used to lead; that and school.  My French degree looks pretty on my wall but has yet to be very useful.  Surprise!!

I would like to have a partner in crime to ride this ride of mine.  My success at relationships to date have been, well, unsuccessful.  I haven't given up hope that I may meet someone, but until then, I've got a wonderful network of friends and family that still humble me with their love and support.

My frustration level is getting so high that I find my shoulders in my ears and I'm forgetting to breathe.  This blog is a great release for me, a nice place to focus my frenetic energy and, ideally, it will be a conduit for me finding my professional success... but I'm still so stressed I lie awake at night, sometimes for hours.

That all being said, I'm going to put It out there.  The ubiquitous they say things like

"Put your dreams out there so that they can heard." 
 "You won't get what you want of you don't ask for it."  So here I go.

My ideal job would be something under this umbrella:

... and here's the root of my problems.  I got nothin'!!  

I am good at a lot of things but have NO IDEA how to focus them into one job.  I go crazy behind a desk.  I love to perform.  I'm a great manager and love to work with people.  I'm good at sales but dread the idea of EVER doing it again.  I obviously love food and the restaurant industry, but I don't want to work nights anymore because I have a daughter who needs her only parent to be at home with her.  I want to travel, but I would have to figure out how to bring Lorelei with me.  I had a great idea that would have allowed me to do that, but I didn't have to time to get it off the ground. 

So, until I have some stroke of genius, or my dream job falls in my lap, or I win the Lotto, I'll keep poking the Twitter bear, trying to get followers for the blog and hope to make some money off of it.  Maybe I'll go buy a Blogging for Dummies book and reinvent some more wheels while I'm at it.

By the way, I'll be guest-posting on MommaBeThyName this month.  Keep your eyes out for that.

Mom's Tip
Massive amounts of coffee will never, ever make your troubles go away.  It'll only make you type so fast that it'll be like writing a blog post 1.5 times... type, type, type... backspace, delete, Crap!!  Type, type, CRAP!


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